April's edit, the edit for april
yes that was an emperors new groove reference im losing my fucking mind okay?
It’s 2am and I can’t sleep, but what’s new?
I had so many ideas flowing through my mind, perfect sentences with witty structure, one right after another running with the ease of a sliced egg yolk. In my foolish attempt to summon Shaxep, I mean the angel of sleep, I didn’t write them down, and now it’s 45 minutes later and I wish I had.
April is a weird month. It’s always felt kinda strange, like the awkward phase of the year, the prepubescent spring stuffing her bra and pretending to be full summer. Manhattan weather changes on a dime and if my lip cracks one more time I’m going to look like a pirate who (for some inexplicable reason) takes the 4/5 express train in lieu of her briny vessel.
As odd as April feels, I find it deeply relatable. I feel like my writing style oscillates with my mood, and it’s hard for me to see the difference until I read them back. My brain is swarmed with systems, plans, fascinations and machinations of how to link all of my ideas from one to the other so that I don’t sound like a deranged lunatic who writes things at 2am (the irony) only to refuse to edit (I’m rereading Bukowski) and then PRINT OFF MY WORK AND ANNOTATE IT days later with different colored pens (I am unmedicated, completely sober, and free-range. Can’t you tell?). I just want to sound like myself. I demand capitulation from the universe!!!! Bend to my will!!!!!! For someone who has spent 16 hours in the notes app this past week, I need an outside source to (please) tell me if it’s working.
This month has honestly been pretty great, all my moaning aside.
I saw so many movies in theaters, which means I ate no less than 2 pounds of that processed, delightful umami bomb they’re calling movie theater butter.
Project Hail Mary - I liked it, I didn’t read the book (which made me feel violently guilty about seeing the movie at all) and I feel like I should have read it / should read it. It was good and cute, definitely cried, and I really liked the costume design.
Super Mario Galaxy - so nostalgic. The fact that Charlie day is Luigi is enough reason for you to see this movie. The Chris Pratt obsession is…? I dunno. I’m a Parks and Rec girl through and through; in my mind, he’s Andy, chewing on pens and eating spray painted m&ms. 🖤
The Drama - YO this movie is clinical…..I have so much to say that I’m just gonna narrow it down as much as I can: My boy can act, Zendaya is very good but I needed more emotion, that white bitch (is that the girl from Haim? from that awful movie licorice pizza?) is fucking psychotic and an actual murderer? I understand that it wasnt about her but…it should have been? Did I just write a better movie? I couldnt think of anything else after she admitted what she did.
Normal - WOW. Better call….not Saul because he’s in a state. I can’t even say anything else you just need to go see it. Total plot twist, never saw it coming, edge of my seat, ginger ale spilled all over my lap.
Who am I without my 3-7 emotional support realms?
Once again I have outdone myself on Thiftbooks (please sponsor me, I love you so much). I bought around 9 books this month, and my favorite came as a surprise. Recommended to me by one of my oldest friends, The Devils by Joe Abercrombie was fucking stellar. Morally ambiguous with a motley crew of devils, barbarians, a priest, an elf and a vampire, the third best necromancer in all the world, envy, greed, wit and gore all rolled up and served bloody. Makes you wanna just lick your teeth, doesnt it?
I also finished Baby Teeth which….all I can give you on this one is a deep exhale. A story about a 7-year-old girl who wants to murder Mommy (not giving anything away, literally back of the book), I found this both devious but not enough. It was very well-written, I think it was just stopped short of being truly terrifying. However, this is through the lens of someone who spend the entirety of Covid live-streaming on twitch about psychopathology in true crime cases…so my bar could be exceptionally high.
One-word reviews of the books I havent finished yet:
The Talented Mr. Ripley: chills
Annihilation: terror
Predictably Irrational: interesting
All of the other things I’m enamored with at the moment:
My controversial opinions of the month!!!!!
I fucking hate the phrase ‘bed rot’. Why can’t we just rest without comparing it to death? Are you that tired or do you just hate yourself? In the words of what I assume was a shitty book because I never read it, wash your face girl.
If one more person tells me I’m brave for not getting Botox, I might have to finally start going to therapy for anger management. Aging is a gift. I am not brave. :) you are weak :)
Alani is far superior to Celcius
I wear socks when I sleep and that makes me brave
I saw someone chain smoking cigarettes on the subway and I think we all need to have a little more audacity in our lives. He didn’t care, at all. Wear your weird clothes
Claud cowork is a waste of time. Flash from Zootopia could do things faster
I bought a Bratz labubu. There. I said it. She’s really fucking cute, too.
I miss smoking
Costco brand oat milk is better than Oatly
If you say ‘I’m just a girl” I want you to get away from me
Low-maintenance friendships aren’t friendships. Real friendship is an inconvenience, and you should be grateful to experience it.
What happened to the sour candy craze? Can we bring this back? I want to eat so many sour skittles I cant feel my tongue
STOP PUTTING PROTEIN IN MY FUCKING CHIPS YOU FUCKING KGIHAKUGHKAUDHGAULRWAG;
Reply: All
Heard you loud and clear and im making a study guide for the 48 laws of power!!! I am making this now and I think it should be done in around a month or so. :)
I’m sure I’ll add more to this later, or maybe just republish it entirely, but I am fucking exhausted and need to catch some zzz’s. I’ll schedule this for the morning. If you’ve read this all the way through, you’re the best, and I love ya.
With great personal aesthetic,
Alexandra Diana, The A List
FUCK PROTEIN FUCK BOTOX FUCK NOT SMOKING