I have chosen humiliation and rejection.
I have rubbed salt in all my wounds.
I have isolated myself, become unrecognizable; I have crawled until my cuticles bled.
And after all this time, people still wonder why I seem to get what I want.
I am not lucky. And if I am, it’s because I cut the rabbits foot off myself.
We’re taught that excellent people are eventually discovered.
You must pay your dues and trust the process.
You must wait your turn as you burn the midnight oil.
You must achieve the focus of the gods, and become the patron saint of Patience and Virtue itself.
And one day, when the light hits your halo just right, when you have waited your turn and licked your bruised ego enough, you will finally be deserving enough for your breakthrough. After all your years working in the dark, they will notice you. Inside this fantasy of discovery, you’ll hear what you’ve been waiting for all along: Why haven’t I heard of you before?
There is no virtue to be found in allowing yourself to be overlooked. In all diligent attempts, it is glorious even to fail.
Stop fucking waiting, stop being so goddamned polite. Stop holding your breath for the perfect moment, for the right time, hoping, waiting, wishing that someone will finally see what you can do.
You want a better life? You want more luck? You want what they have? Then get over yourself. Get over the fantasy that someone is coming to discover you, to save you; to hoist you onto their shoulders and carry your ideas toward some glittering horizon. Your dreams are no one else’s burden to bear. You have to drag them into daylight yourself.
Show the work before anyone asks to see it. Ask for things you have no guarantee of getting. Risk being overeager. Risk being rejected. Fail where people can see you, then make them watch you try again. Greatness demands a tremendous tolerance for humiliation, and my friend, let me tell you a secret: nothing is embarrassing if you are not embarrassed.
Work at something worth doing because it lights your soul on fire, regardless if anyone else thinks it’s worth a damn. Their belief is not required for you to begin. Die on a thousand hills, look out at the majesty of your lush rolling highlands! Don’t take the easy way out. Don’t allow yourself to believe that the value of your ideas, your dreams, are stagehands for a greater show. Rig the lighting. Stand in the spotlight of your life with a shit-eating grin and bloodied knees.
Work without recognition if you must, but never wait for it to find you.
For when you ask to be crowned, you acknowledge a king.
With great personal aesthetic,
Alexandra Diana
My favorite pep talk is here as always just when I needed it most.
Wonderfully written. I think I’ll come back to this whenever I’ll feel down. Thank you for sharing.