The month of May from a style psychology writer who spent 17.5 hours in the notes app

all is loud on the frontal lobe

All is loud indeed, but I fucking love this song.

It’s early morning in Manhattan, the sun is blushing through the clouds and I’m 2k away from publishing 10,000 words this month. My eyes are bleeding and my manicure is permafucked, but May left me feeling nothing if not grotesquely optimistic.

While I’m not in therapy, the man who would inevitably fall if love with me if I were his patient might describe my euphoria as someone who’s near the other side of a crossroads. Someone who has embodied the idea “the only way out is through”. I respond by telling him he ripped that line from Bukowski, and that I would expect to get this level of encouragement from a strip-mall fraud (do you see why he’s obsessed with me?). But, as it turns out, it’s true.

Buckle up or stop reading now cos I’ve had 3 coffees (no water) and will only be writing in extreme run-on sentences from this point forward.

and being really fucking hot

May was spectacular.

I got out of my over-heated brain and in the words of NoBunny, decided to Live it Up. I got outta the city with ma main b Sarah, who is the human equivalent of throwing back 10 anti-depressants while simultaneously holding the worlds most beautiful, flat-faced cat. Sarah’s the kinda friend who keeps that mufucking thang on her (waterproof mascara) cos she knows I’m gonna cry, and props open the window with the bible she found in the nightstand in case I have an emergency (cigarette).

She wore a matching Marc Jacobs set that was so tight, if she was possessed it would have caused an exorcism, and I was in silk and stilettos that made me believe I really was 5’7 (imagine). We ordered room service at midnight, drank champagne in the library, toured a private art gallery, and howled at the moon. Airplane mode activated, we wandered like children with no schedule in a state of flow that muted all the subconscious rhythms that normally rule my daily life.

At 2am on Saturday, I had a stroke of cosmic luck so fucking incredible that I burst through our suite’s adjoining doors with the energy of a toddler who had sugar for dinner. I told her the news, and Sarah looked right at me and said “You look like yourself, but to the millionth power.” My ears started ringing, and as cliche as it sounds, she was right.

I did, I was, the child in me (mischievous little thing with a biting problem and a sick bug collection) had been unleashed back into the world.

More notes from the void

• I bleached my brows, and no, I was not on the brink of some sort of Chardonnay-induced mania, a perk of my friendship is knowing that at literally any point in time, I will have an overwhelming need to change some part of my appearance with a force that feels supernatural. Last time I did it I was blonde (chic) but now with my natural hair it was serving Dark Lord. Alas, I wasnt going for beauty, but it just wasnt the right shade of beast.

• Do you remember how fucking cool it was to get a mixtape? One of my friends made me such a playlist so good that it plays in my head even when im offline.

• I changed the title of my notes section from ‘alarming thoughts’ to ‘poems’ and, yeah, like it works so well. The rebrand has taken me from overly-emotional, obsessive lover girl to merely a dreamer engrossed in a tidal wave of thought. Is this a sign of genius?

• I’m rereading Calvin and Hobbes and it’s it feels like my adult self is laughing with my little self.

• Carmella’s nails on the Sopranos have sparked an aesthetic awakening in me (I just finished the first season no fucking spoilers I will burn your restaurant to the ground)

  

  this coat makes me feel like trinity’s goddaughter

  

  the hottest text ive ever received

  

  I went clickclickclick with every single pen :) :) :)

  

  quality time with my daughter

  

  if you read the devils you would know what a perfect cosplay this is

  

  im not a sweets person until I get to rachel’s house and then all bets are off

movies i watched:

• The Devil Wears Prada 2: Nostalgia on 10000%, but not as good as the first. Andy was like a cupsy ~masc cool girl~? At least Emily had enough botox for her character arc to remain alive. The patron line killed me. Looks were a 6.5 / 10, and for the record, nothing will ever compare to "Are you wearing the... the Chanel boots?"

• I Love Boosters: So many minimalists were harmed in the making of this movie and I, for one, could not be happier about it. The maximalism of Everything Everywhere All at Once mixed with the absurdity of Dr. Suess. Fabulous, best movie of the year.

xoxo

one-sentence reviews on books i finished, and books im reading:

1. Lady Tremaine: a lot better than I thought it would be, good twist

2. Cultish: humans are fascinating but we be dumb, cheeky writing style

3. The Talented Mr. Ripley: where ya going with this, Tom?

4. Annihilation: I will never emotionally recover but im gonna read it again just to make sure

5. Circe: I’m reading this purely for spite as I read a review that called this the greatest fantasy of all time…..ya I’ll be the judge of that. (were actually off to a pretty good start)

my controversial opinions of the month!!!

• the only hot skarsgård is Alexander. His brother forfeited this right when he played IT. Don’t disagree with me on this, i will take the low road

• Paper straws NEED TO BE OUTLAWED. ENOUGH. I’ll use that flaccid failure when exon cleans up all the oil they dumped in the ocean and not a second before

• We need to bring typing classes back, we need to bring cursive and basic handwriting classes back. I’ve seen what you people are capable of and I am not impressed

• Listening to an audio book is not the same as reading the book

• The people that make David protein bars SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED to come out with an ice cream when this lawsuit is going on?? WHat in the regina george fuck is going on??

• marc jacobs beauty has the best packaging of the year

• If you don’t recline your chair on an airplane, you have a martyr complex. :) I have a particular friend i want to prove wrong, so please, tell me you agree

reply: all

• Still working on The 48 Laws of Power guide, idk what level of delusion I was under to think that would only take me a month. My lack of understanding time as a concept always keeps me on my toes

• All paid subs have been TURNED OFF as I don’t want to deal with the effort required in gatekeeping, and I’d rather you spend your money on my NYT best-seller, whenever that comes out. Seriously though, thank you, the fact that strangers paid to read my work is what finally killed my imposer syndrome.

• The amount of podcast requests???!! I am flattered you want to hear me talk that long LOL. I want to know all the unedited topics + questions you have on style, finding your style, what to wear if you have a dress code, how to be uglier, EVERYTHING. :)

Okay, I think I’ve exhausted myself. I’ll probably come back to this later, or ill just hit send and never look at it again. Either way, I hope you wear something fucking cool today, and don’t forget to bite the hand that oppresses you (twice as hard if its your own!)

With great personal aesthetic,
Alexandra Diana, The A List

cheers to those who wish ya well. and the ones that dont can go to hell!